Some girls use psychological warfare to bully other girls. Often operating under a “pack mentality,” these girls isolate and banish their targets from groups, making them feel as if they don’t belong. Victims suffer self-esteem damage and are lonelier and more socially anxious than other children. “Girls and boys bully each other differently, demanding a different response,” according to Erik Stangvik from No Bully, one of America’s top anti-bullying advocacy groups. There’s not a single school in this country where a good portion of girls aren’t dealing with friendship struggles and various degrees of social cruelty. Learn to watch for indirect or subtle forms of bullying.
“Data supports that girl-to-girl bullying is more relational than boy-on-boy bullying,” Stangvik says. Girl-to-girl bullying is practically invisible, but the trauma can last a lifetime.
Often this destructive behavior stems from insecurity of some sort or a desire to feel powerful.
Help young girls learn to recognize real friendships versus relational aggression. A few affirmations below can help them see that in healthy friendships, every person is equally important and receives fair share of the power:
- I am not limited by what others think of me.
- I am compassionate to myself and others.
- I show kindness, even when it seems hard but I do not let people take advantage of my kindness
- I can tell someone no and still be a kind person.
- I don’t tolerate injustice for myself or for others.
- I speak up, even if it’s hard.
- I deserve to have friends that respect my friendship and treat me well.
- I have a right to reject friendships that are toxic even if it means I will temporarily not have any friends until I cultivate new and better ones.
- I will not hold any grudge against those that have caused me distress. Instead I will release them from my mind, allowing them to grow at their own pace and perhaps be worthy of my friendship in future.
- I do not have to tolerate aggression from any one even if they claim to be my friends.
- I know who to reach out to if I feel I am being bullied, picked on, isolated or discriminated against.