Shelby Crownover is a counselor at a Round Rock ISD middle school and has spent more than two decades in middle school education. She received her bachelor’s degree from St. Mary’s University and her M.Ed. in School Counseling from Lamar University. Below is an interview with her that sheds light on the social experiences in middle school, including bullying and friendships.
Q: In terms of social dynamics, what should you expect when going to middle school?
A: Over the years, we have heard students come in and say their elementary teachers would tell them that, “Well, in middle school, the teachers won’t put up with that.” Statements like these instill fear and potentially cause additional anxiety before students set foot onto their middle school campus. This is actually harmful and untrue. I just finished my 26th year at the middle school level and feel I have a solid understanding of this age group. Transitioning to middle school as a 6th grader can be overwhelming at first. Shifting from several teachers and content areas is the biggest challenge, but students adapt fairly quickly. Socially, sixth graders are learning how to “do school”. It is also why we do not offer sports to this grade level. They need to learn to balance and transition into being middle schoolers. You will start to see social dynamics start to form. Pearson Ranch is a unique campus in that it is heavily academic-based. Of course, there are still cliques, but the social dynamics are less prevalent than at my previous campuses. In my experience, students use their academic performance and scores to leverage situations. Something to note is that students typically sit with their same gender.
Q: How are group interactions different compared to individual interactions with friends?
A: Many times, you can observe the “leader” in the group. It is often the person who controls the conversation or has the loudest voice. Depending on the topic they are discussing. Mostly, larger social groups are surface-level and typical behavior for the age group. Individual interactions with friends are often quieter and less outwardly noticeable. You can observe and sometimes overhear more intimate conversations.
Q: Bullying mostly happens in subtle ways, and sometimes the victim feels like the issue isn’t big enough to draw attention to. How should we guide that person?
A: This is absolutely an issue across all age groups. It is difficult to navigate due to a mindset of not wanting to draw attention, as they may be ousted from the group. This age tends to seek to be seen rather than seek to understand. I have had countless conversations with students over the years, trying to help them find their voice so they can stand up to others. Often, the person they need to stand up to is an actual friend or someone in the group. For example, a student may come in and tell me about her friends making fun of her backpack, which she saved her own money to buy. The student was heartbroken by the teasing and left her backpack in my office for two days. We had conversations about the “friend’s” intention in saying this and about how her feelings mattered. Eventually, we worked through several possible scenarios (lots of role-play) about how she could confront the person who teased her. She eventually managed to do it, and she used her backpack afterward. There are other times that we are not as successful because the student has not had the confidence to speak up… this is where it is difficult. We still talk through the situation, but we also go back to intentions. While we may not know the other person’s intent, we can still ask, “I wonder what their intentions are.” Sometimes this is effective because the person who may not be able to confront the person yet is able to process through the situation. At the end of the day, we need to make sure ALL students feel heard and are safe. In time, the goal is to support the student and let them know that we can also report their concern anonymously so the admin can address the other student/group.
Q: How can you recognize reliable friendships?
A: In school, friendships ebb and flow. Student interests change, and therefore their friends may change. One of the biggest social issues at this age level, in particular, is that you can still be friends with someone while making new friends. When this occurs, a longtime friend may feel excluded. This happens quite frequently. Reliable friends will make new friends while still trying to include some of the friends they made before.
